Thursday, September 11

Heartfelt musings from my living room

So much has transpired since my last update regarding the adoption. Throughout the course of a day, I think of numerous things I would like to write about ranging from restaurant reviews, an intriguing person I met on a walk, and finally, how I am feeling about our adoption on this particular day.

Since the adoption topic has been on my mind so much lately, I feel the need to process some thoughts with an invitation for feedback, as this has been a very confusing season. I alluded to the fact in an earlier entry that these days seem to be filled with more questions than answers for us. For example, how long do we continue to hope for a child? What if there is a different plan for us that doesn't involve children?

Lately, I have entertained thoughts of what it would be like to discontinue the process altogether, and if I am honest, I feel that while we would have to grieve the end of this dream, which would not be easy, it would be a relief at the same time not being in a state of constant limbo. Just admitting to myself that I have had these thoughts is incredibly liberating, and a bit scary at the same time.

We have not made any decisions one way or another, and probably would not for quite some time. We would not take this decision lightly and would not make a hasty move, however I feel it is necessary be honest with these aspects as the roller coaster continues, and not just write when I am feeling optimistic and cheerful. For today I am worn out, and tired of thinking about adoption.

I am just questioning what it would look like to close the book on this chapter and live today and every day after with a sense that I am not waiting for something that is perhaps not meant to be.

Since this is a roller coaster, things could look differently by next week, but for today these are my honest thoughts.

3 comments:

Beth said...

Hi Darlene,

I can't pretend to know what you should do or to have great advice to give you as you continue to think about what to do from here. But I will be praying for you guys. Thanks for sharing.

Beth

Brent and Darlene said...

Thank you for your comment, Beth and your prayers :) I appreciate your thoughtful replys..

Darlene

Anonymous said...

Wise words. So well said. Your heart definitely comes through. You've been blessed with wisdom and compassion!

Love, Mom

Maui

Maui
flower

Memories

Italy trip

I have been going through my pictures, and have enjoyed looking at this album of Italy. I was able to go over last year to attend a conference. This was the first time I have been back in twenty years. The pictures are made up mostly of places we lived as a family. My brother and I were able to go together, and we were graciously hosted by some friends of ours from language school in Perugia. I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I look at these pictures. I miss Italy so much. It was strange to go back as a tourist knowing I would be returning to the US after such a short time. Tonight I made cookies with Nutella in them, and I remembered how much I enjoyed the simple pleasures. Fortunately, you can find it here! Saturday, we are going up to my brother's house to celebrate a late Thanksgiving, only we will be making homemade tortellini instead of turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!