Wednesday, March 25

Hannah's hope

I just finished reading a great book called Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake. The book is on infertility, pregnancy loss and various forms of adoption loss. I found myself relating to the words she had written and wishing I could give a copy to everyone that has ever been touched by these issues.

The author's words are heartfelt and encouraging for those facing infertility or loss of a child. In addition, at the end of each chapter, she writes specifically to people who are close to those hurting and would like to encourage them. She talks about why holidays can be painful as everything focuses around children, how to handle invitations to baby showers, and many other topics.

As I write this entry, I am asking myself why I am so passionate about educating people on how to deal with these types of losses. Perhaps it is because I have felt so alone in my experience, and I don’t want others to feel the same. I would like for people to understand that losing a child due to miscarriage, still birth and failed adoption are felt as deeply as any other loss.

For me, the most difficult part of our grieving was the long silence that followed after we shared news of our birthmother losing her baby. I am not sure why it is so difficult to reach out to people we know are hurting. I include myself when I say it is often uncomfortable to call someone after a loss, or it might seem like an inconvenience to pick up the phone. For me, it is comforting to know that when I go through difficult times, I do not want to talk to someone with all the answers. In fact, I don't need ideas on how to feel better, what I should do, or how I should or should not feel. I just want to be heard.

In my experience, I feel most cared for when someone takes time to call and really ask how I am doing, even if they do not know what to say. When we experienced our loss, I felt the need to talk about what had happened. There is so much comfort in being heard. My hope in writing this entry is to take some of the fear out of calling a friend or family member that has been experiencing a hard time. I appreciated this book for the practical advice given on this topic.

3 comments:

Brianne said...

Thanks I've already e-mailed this to two of my friends. I appreciate the recommendation and I'm sure they will too!

Brent and Darlene said...

Hi Bri!
Thank you for your comment,and for being a listening friend :) I hope you and your friends will enjoy the book.

love,
Darlene

Lynn H said...

My dear friend,
If only I had known what you have been going through. Emails sent to you came back, Christmas card was returned, yet you would just pop into my mind, often for no apparent reason. Now I know, it was our precious Holy Spirit prompting me to pray, as I did, when you came to mind. If I had known, I would not have been silent. I think you know me better than that! Perhaps God has brought us back together at just the right time--His perfect timing.

Maui

Maui
flower

Memories

Italy trip

I have been going through my pictures, and have enjoyed looking at this album of Italy. I was able to go over last year to attend a conference. This was the first time I have been back in twenty years. The pictures are made up mostly of places we lived as a family. My brother and I were able to go together, and we were graciously hosted by some friends of ours from language school in Perugia. I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I look at these pictures. I miss Italy so much. It was strange to go back as a tourist knowing I would be returning to the US after such a short time. Tonight I made cookies with Nutella in them, and I remembered how much I enjoyed the simple pleasures. Fortunately, you can find it here! Saturday, we are going up to my brother's house to celebrate a late Thanksgiving, only we will be making homemade tortellini instead of turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!