Friday, December 24

This morning while I was getting ready for the day, I spent some time thinking about my last post. Something I wrote has been bothering me to the point that I wanted to delete it.

I wrote about how it would be too difficult to help out with the children at church, because they always belonged to somebody else, and not me. I think the later I stay up writing, the more dramatic I become, because when I woke up the next morning, I felt a bit ridiculous. I am not going to delete this thought however, because it was real, however dramatic it may have sounded.

As I thought about my desire to do foster care, and my attempt to protect my heart right now while we are on hold again, I had this thought. I could be missing out on a huge opportunity to prepare for what lies ahead by not being willing to help out and work with children while we wait. This morning, I was also struck with the realization that the very nature of foster care is having children come in and out of your life, having to say good-bye. These situations will most likely be more heartbreaking than saying good-night to a family at church, knowing the child or children will be going back to a nurturing environment.

I don't know why I didn't think of that before today, but it was as if I was hit by a lightning bolt. God is so patient and loving. In the midst of my temper tantrums, I can feel his constant presence as He reminds me that His plan is so much better than my own.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amen, Sister! Once again, thank you for sharing your heart. You're my hero!
: ) Kim

MommaMindy said...

When I was going through a 7 year period of a barren womb, I felt the same way at times. I was in a fellowship where the women were always having a lot of babies. I loved holding them, but there was always a little part of my heart that hurt. It's what we do with those hard thoughts that makes up who we are and what we become. They are passing, they don't consume us, and we can let them make us more like Christ if we bring them to him. I love your honesty, even in passing moments.

Darlene said...

Thank you, friends :)

jadeejf said...

I just wanted to say how much I appreciated that you thought through your hurt and came to a better understanding. I can't remember if I told you, but we used to work in the nursery at our old church. I kept it up, even though it was terribly painful at times for the reason you describe. But when we moved out here, I avoided doing nursery work for the same reasons you've been- it hurts, and I needed to protect my heart for a time. Now that we're on the other side of that struggle, I've only recently begun to pick it up again, and it has been a joy, though draining in some new ways now that it wasn't before. Mindy says it well- what we do with that pain is what defines us, and I really appreciate that you don't let it consume you. It is a *hard* fight that you have. We are praying for you.

Darlene said...

Thank you, Beth

I appreciate your words and your prayers as well! I am looking forward to helping out, and getting to know some of the moms at our church. They must be nice, after all--you're one of them! :)
It was so nice to hear from you! Hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Maui

Maui
flower

Memories

Italy trip

I have been going through my pictures, and have enjoyed looking at this album of Italy. I was able to go over last year to attend a conference. This was the first time I have been back in twenty years. The pictures are made up mostly of places we lived as a family. My brother and I were able to go together, and we were graciously hosted by some friends of ours from language school in Perugia. I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I look at these pictures. I miss Italy so much. It was strange to go back as a tourist knowing I would be returning to the US after such a short time. Tonight I made cookies with Nutella in them, and I remembered how much I enjoyed the simple pleasures. Fortunately, you can find it here! Saturday, we are going up to my brother's house to celebrate a late Thanksgiving, only we will be making homemade tortellini instead of turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!