Tuesday, September 6

Words...

We are finally down to the last stretch of our wait for baby Justin to arrive. It is hard to believe that we have been walking down this adoption path for eight months, and after his arrival, things will never be the same.

We started the adoption process between four and five years ago, and many things have stood out in my mind during this time; both good and bad. I have been made much more aware of the power of words than I have been in the past. Good words bring healing and joy, while negative words bring a heaviness and a sense of sadness. Just like anyone, we have heard both good and bad, as many people are excited for us, but unfortunately I tend to dwell on some of the less tactful comments people have made.

When it comes to questions I have come to dread the most, it is when people ask if we are afraid that they will change their minds.

Having worked in the adoption field, and seeing this happen more than once, I know it can happen, and it does. However, is this a question that really deserves an answer? Adoptive mothers as well as biological mothers wonder about many things that could potentially happen, but I don't see any reason at all to ask that question. Each time someone asks this question, I cringe, feeling like I have to defend everything about our experience. The story is so beautiful of how everything fell into place, and how we clicked from the beginning, the way we have connected during doctors visits, and being invited to the hospital to wait for the baby to be born. As I try to answer people who ask me that question, it cheapens this beautiful experience. I am not afraid of them changing their minds, and have made a choice to celebrate this life.


I am writing this email on behalf of other adoptive parents who might feel the same. I could be the only one out there with these thoughts, however, it has been on my mind a lot, and I grappled with whether or not I should write about it, or keep silent, but writing won out.

I have said similar things when I worked for an adoption agency. I used to caution couples who were adopting, and would tell them not to have the baby showers until after the parental rights were terminated. I wish I would have just let their stories play out the way they were meant to.
I want to write more of our story, so it will be more evident as to why we are not "afraid" of anything concerning our adoption.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well said, my friend, well said. I'm so glad you decided to communicate this. I thought you said it beautifully! I'm so excited for you and praying God bring the perfect nighttime nanny for you....someone to encourage and help bring peace to your home.
Love you lots!!!
: ) Kim

Darlene said...

Thank you for your encouragement, Kim!

Love you too!
Darlene

Maui

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Memories

Italy trip

I have been going through my pictures, and have enjoyed looking at this album of Italy. I was able to go over last year to attend a conference. This was the first time I have been back in twenty years. The pictures are made up mostly of places we lived as a family. My brother and I were able to go together, and we were graciously hosted by some friends of ours from language school in Perugia. I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I look at these pictures. I miss Italy so much. It was strange to go back as a tourist knowing I would be returning to the US after such a short time. Tonight I made cookies with Nutella in them, and I remembered how much I enjoyed the simple pleasures. Fortunately, you can find it here! Saturday, we are going up to my brother's house to celebrate a late Thanksgiving, only we will be making homemade tortellini instead of turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!