Wednesday, June 12

Father's Day


I have taken another long break from blogging, and each time I come back to it, I feel at home with my thoughts and computer on my lap.  

I thought of picking up where I left off in my last post, but since I only have a short time to write while my son is sleeping,  I can't fill in every detail, so I will start with today.

Today I have been thinking a lot about Father's Day.  When I woke up, I realized it was Wednesday, and I only had a few more days to mail my Dad a card, I felt a bit panicked.  My family knows I am notoriously late at sending cards.  In fact, I usually just stock up on belated Birthday cards instead of regular ones. Unfortunately, they don't make belated Father's Day cards.  

Besides feeling panicked, I felt guilty that I have not thought about a perfect surprise, or planned something special for him.   He is in Florida and we are in Washington, so I should have already had a plan.  Truthfully, celebrating has not been on my mind lately.

My Dad was just diagnosed with metastatic melanoma, and the doctors give him up to a year to live.  Since he had a kidney transplant several years ago, his immune system is not capable of handling chemo or radiation.  There is one type of chemo he may be able to try, but it would be on a trial basis.

So, will Father's Day be a celebration or a day to grieve?  How do I celebrate Brent as Justin's father while at the same time anticipating the loss of my Dad...the man I have known and loved for 41 years of my life?  I think of my Mom losing the man she has been married to for almost fifty years.  What card or gift can I possibly give of any significance?  The thing that breaks my heart the most is that Justin will not grow up knowing his  Grandpa, and learning from him as I was able to growing up.  

I need to bring this to a close for now, but without putting pressure on myself, I will try to keep writing even if it is just for me.

4 comments:

Chrissie said...

I can only begin to imagine what a mix of emotions you must be feeling with thoughts of loss shadowy over the celebrations. Please know I'm saying a prayer for you tonight as you continue in this difficult season. May you know peace and find joy to celebratw the wonderful father you have as well as the wonderful father Justin has. Hugs x

Darlene said...

Thank you so much, Chrissie! Happy Father's Day to Jeremy :)

Anne Bickle said...

I'm so glad you decided to write again, if only for you and your loved ones. Though I bet through your writing (which is really good, by the way) you will bless others. // I'm so sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis. That is really hard. My own dad was diagnosed with a disease that is degenerative. I thought this week about how my kids will not grow up with a healthy grandpa. I can't imagine the depth of grief you must be feeling facing such a prognosis. Prayers for you, this Father's Day. That you can celebrate, yes, but be okay with grieving too. And that through the difficult season can come healing and beauty. ((hugs))

Darlene said...

Thank you so much for your words, Anne. Looking forward to keeping in touch!

Maui

Maui
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Memories

Italy trip

I have been going through my pictures, and have enjoyed looking at this album of Italy. I was able to go over last year to attend a conference. This was the first time I have been back in twenty years. The pictures are made up mostly of places we lived as a family. My brother and I were able to go together, and we were graciously hosted by some friends of ours from language school in Perugia. I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I look at these pictures. I miss Italy so much. It was strange to go back as a tourist knowing I would be returning to the US after such a short time. Tonight I made cookies with Nutella in them, and I remembered how much I enjoyed the simple pleasures. Fortunately, you can find it here! Saturday, we are going up to my brother's house to celebrate a late Thanksgiving, only we will be making homemade tortellini instead of turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!