Sunday, June 16

Insalata Mista compost

Since my blog is named after a salad, (Insalata Mista, is a type of salad in Italian),  I feel the need to talk about not only the bright vibrant ingredients, but about the compost that gets tossed out, representing the unwanted parts of my life as well.

About a month ago, I was talking with a friend that I have known for at least ten years.  He knows me very well, and he remarked about how happy I looked on Facebook. Then, he paused and told me that  based on our recent conversations, my life looked very different in person than how I portrayed it publicly. Ouch...he saw a disconnect between who I really was,  and how I wanted people to see me. While I don't think this is at all uncommon with the majority of people who use social media, I don't want to be inauthentic. So for this post, rather that putting up lots of happy pictures, I will tell you about one of my "real" days.

The other day, I woke up and looked in the mirror.  I asked the person looking back at me, "do I really have to spend the rest of the day with you?"  I felt so hopeless and depressed at the thought.  Not every day is like that, but when I feel depressed, I wish I could separate myself from that person and live anyone else's  life but my own.

I have bi-polar and not just depression. That means my mood fluctuates a lot. Today I feel good, and even look forward to the day.  I am not on an emotional high, but I am in a good mood, and feel great about life in general.  So, that could be where the disconnect comes in.  In any case, since I have challenged myself to be more real in my writing, I wanted to talk a little bit about my daily reality, and it's ups and downs.

I am realizing that my blog entries are going to be short, and a little choppy (like a chopped salad)..sorry, couldn't resist the play on words...since I have to work around Justin's nap schedule, and I won't spend hours editing posts like I used to.  Hopefully what I write makes sense.  I will close this post for now.





No comments:

Maui

Maui
flower

Memories

Italy trip

I have been going through my pictures, and have enjoyed looking at this album of Italy. I was able to go over last year to attend a conference. This was the first time I have been back in twenty years. The pictures are made up mostly of places we lived as a family. My brother and I were able to go together, and we were graciously hosted by some friends of ours from language school in Perugia. I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I look at these pictures. I miss Italy so much. It was strange to go back as a tourist knowing I would be returning to the US after such a short time. Tonight I made cookies with Nutella in them, and I remembered how much I enjoyed the simple pleasures. Fortunately, you can find it here! Saturday, we are going up to my brother's house to celebrate a late Thanksgiving, only we will be making homemade tortellini instead of turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!