Wednesday, June 8

Hello again

I just decided to look up my blog after what seems like forever.  So much has happened over these past years and months.  My Dad lost his battle with cancer, my father in law died suddenly of a heart attack, and I spent two and a half months in the hospital trying to make sense of everything.  As with every manic episode I experience, what followed was a deep depression lasting almost a year.  I am just now starting to feel somewhat positive after ten months, so I am ahead of schedule.

 It is so difficult to be a good mom when I am depressed.  All I have wanted to do was sleep in order to escape  reality. Thankfully, Justin has had preschool, so I have been able to rest.  Part of the reason I am tired is due to medication as well.  I have been trying to find anyone who could relate with what I have been going through.  I joined a support group for people with bipolar disorder, but I found it was too hard to separate myself from them.  If someone in the group said they were suicidal, I felt suicidal.  So, I stopped going to that group.  I have had a hard time connecting with other Christians during this time, as I have felt like I am not "together" enough to be a good Christian.  So, I have been isolating quite a bit.

The one group of people I can't isolate from is other moms, as I have done my best to get Justin on regular playdates with his friends.  This has been a saving grace, as I have had to stay connected.  It is so different recovering as a mom than it was when I just had myself and Brent to think about.  I have a huge responsibility,  and just knowing that is intense.

For now, life is good.  I hope this wasn't too much of a downer.  This is just what has been going on with my life.

No comments:




Italy trip

I have been going through my pictures, and have enjoyed looking at this album of Italy. I was able to go over last year to attend a conference. This was the first time I have been back in twenty years. The pictures are made up mostly of places we lived as a family. My brother and I were able to go together, and we were graciously hosted by some friends of ours from language school in Perugia. I feel such a sense of nostalgia when I look at these pictures. I miss Italy so much. It was strange to go back as a tourist knowing I would be returning to the US after such a short time. Tonight I made cookies with Nutella in them, and I remembered how much I enjoyed the simple pleasures. Fortunately, you can find it here! Saturday, we are going up to my brother's house to celebrate a late Thanksgiving, only we will be making homemade tortellini instead of turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!