Doubtful Days

Right before I officially announced I would be starting my own business, I saw a job listing on Craigslist for a part time Social Worker at a nearby Senior Center. It is a very reputable place I am quite familiar with, so I thought I would apply just to see what happened. I didn't think I would hear back from them, however the job seemed like a certain fit, and despite the fact I was seriously leaning towards starting this business, I decided to put in an application.

The next day after submitting the application online, I heard back, and they asked me for a phone interview the following day. I accepted, still thinking they wouldn't want to hire me, or I wouldn't be drawn to work for them, but the phone interview went extremely well. To my surprise, they asked me to go for an in person interview the following week.

The in-person interview felt like sitting in a room of long-time friends. I can only describe the time as effortless and comfortable. The job seemed to fit like a glove, and the people I would be working with would be amazing. In a mater of days since applying, they offered me the job. Since I had been dreaming about this small business all summer, I was immediately faced with a major decision. The Social Work job was something I was comfortable with, working in an environment with other Christians with the same values, that would use my strengths. I was so honored that they believed I was the right person for the job.

On the other hand, starting my own business was a big risk. Instead of a guaranteed, steady income, I would most likely have to invest money, at least in the beginning. I knew this would be unknown territory. I prayed a lot over this decision, weighing the pros and cons, and despite all of the reasons for taking the social work job, following my heart and passion felt like the right decision.

Up until now, I have felt a rush of excitement, with so many thoughts going through my mind; dreams, ideas, recipes.  But, this morning, maybe because the sun was replaced by a layer of gloomy clouds, my first thought was, "Who do I think I am?" "What was I thinking?" I can't start my own business!  That is called the impostor syndrome.

This issue of fear and doubt is addressed in my "Business Bible" that I mentioned in my first post called Business Boutique. So, I decided to take it out and read the entire chapter dedicated to these issues.  It was encouraging to read about famous people who also struggled with this syndrome. Maya Angelou said, "I have written eleven books, but each time I think, Uh ho, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out." Kate Winslet also said she struggled with thinking she was a fraud before every shoot.

The most reassuring thing the author said is that fear is normal. She quotes her friend Pete as saying "Fear establishes the limits of your life. The bigger your fear, the smaller your life. If you're scared of heights, you'll stay low. If you're scared of the outdoors, you'll stay indoors. If you're scared of failure, you'll never try anything. " Fear wants me to live a small life, but God never created us to live that way. God wants me to have life and have it abundantly. In fact, the Bible says "fear not" 365 times-one for each day of the year. Those words encouraged me to keep moving forward.

After reading this chapter, I went downstairs and asked my husband if he wished I would have taken the Social Work position instead of chasing this crazy fantasy.  He smiled warmly, and said, "absolutely not!" You haven't even been at this for a month, and you are not going to give up now! I am taking his advice, one day at a time.